A few days ago, I was at a friend’s house where we just had casual conversation and relaxed, doing little of significance. At one point, while she was outside, I decided to take out my wallet from my pocket — I’m more comfortable with empty pockets –, but then I paused, realizing that I might forget about it, and that if I did, she might think that I had intentionally left it there (something that would, interestingly, never cross my mind were she a man). But, I thought: “I won’t forget about it and it’s unhealthy to worry about others assigning motives to our every action”. I did forget it and the next day she called me, briefly stopped by on her way to work and gave it to me. I still don’t know if she assigned a purpose to my action (that I put the wallet on the table so as to have an excuse to meet her again), or if she assumed that I had just left it there by accident (that I put it on the table because I was more comfortable that way). Probably not, since we’ve been friends for a long time, but with new encounters this is a indeed something that can lead to misinterpretations.

This may perhaps seem insignificant, but this pattern where our actions may be fueled by distinct desires to either serve a certain social purpose or satisfy a personal pleasure, and where we worry about being misinterpreted, seems to represent a significant part of our most petty social dilemmas. There is sometimes a lack of fluidity in our actions, where we have to worry about following invisible rules and being interpreted. I suspect that, on the whole, this is something that is unwanted in the ideal society, though it may be something that is just part of our nature.

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