Here is a man that has chosen to take his wife’s last-name. I understand his reasoning. He felt a personal want to share family names with his wife, but did not want to make her change her last name, since men often expect this on the part of women and some believe this to be unfair. Anyways, his wife did not want to changer her last name, and if he was the one who wanted them to share a last name, then he was the one who should make the sacrifice of changing his name. This seems perfectly sound.

I see no point of contention. It’s the couple’s decision and the couple’s decision alone. Do the people who complain about this also complain the colour of other people’s underwear? It really is of no relevance to their lives, so why would they act as if an affront had been committed?

I can, however, understand those who would not do the same. I know I am one. My lover should need no convincing, no proof that I love her. I have no interest in getting into a marriage contract and spending wild sums of money to “prove” my love, certainly when this proof has proved itself to be meaningless, with such a high rate of divorce. As for family names, I would keep mine and if she wanted to change hers or keep hers, I would not mind.

As for the children — which is a relevant dilemma for unmarried couples as well –, then I would go along with what she wants, be it tradition (my last name), a hyphen (to let the child choose) or whatever else. I’m not sure I’d like the proposition that the child keep the mother’s name, which seems both forced and unfair.

I’m annoyed by people who complain about couples who wish to both use the male name just as I am by those who complain about couples who want to use their own name and who want to use the female name. All these choices are of no practical relevance and should thus concern only the individuals involved, not uncle Teddy or neighbour Agathe.

Well, some might disagree that it is of no practical relevance. Some people claim that having women (or men) change their last name reinforces sexist behaviour. I suppose that this might be possible, but it seems like a long shot and there doesn’t seem to be evidence to support this. A start would be a study looking at those who switch names and those who don’t and try to correlate this with sexist attitudes or behaviour, controlled for factors such as socio-economic status. This sort of study would, at least, be a start and until then, the idea that people who switch their names reinforce sexist behaviour is a baseless opinion that should be voiced carefully, not with the loud, almost scornful tone I’ve heard it voiced in.

-Dussault

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